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I feel like this could also become a great post for my other (somewhat dead) blog: Regardless (Honeylissabee.com), but I’m definitely going to put a weight-loss spin on this today.

There’s one restaurant in our area that I wish we went to more often. The food is good, but the one thing preventing us from going is the service. Alex and I joke that we can’t have dinner there if we have anything planned for the next six months. Service there is just unbearably slow.

Whenever I look at the menu, I’m drawn to this vegetarian club sandwich. It has goat cheese, tuscan white bean hummus, onions, multigrain bread, and more. I plan on ordering the sandwich with sweet potato fries. It’s not exactly a healthy meal, and I should opt for the half sandwich and salad combo, or another side dish, but all things considered, it could be worse.

When I get there, however, I practically rip the sandwich page out of the menu when I turn past it. Even though I always look at this sandwich whenever I look at the menu, I find myself ordering these thai chicken fingers. Now, the chicken fingers are good, but they aren’t anything remarkable, and I can look at the menu a thousand times and never give them a second glance.

Even if I don’t get the sandwich, there is grilled rosemary chicken breast with seasonal vegetables and mashed potatoes or cauliflower. There’s stuffed chicken breast (at least it comes with vegetables!). Even the salads look good.

But I still order the chicken fingers.

I spend time looking at menus to decide on my best options. Since, I have a BOGO coupon for Macaroni Grill, I’ve been looking to see what I can get. I salivate at the sight of the Lite menu options: warm spinach and shrimp, pollo caprese, and more.

But somehow, though my intentions are great, I always end up ordering the same thing: mac and cheese bites with truffle dip, a create your own pasta dish with pancetta, garlic sauce, and parmesan crusted chicken breast, some kind of dessert (or two) and a generous portion of bread and olive oil.

My best friend has the same kind of problems. He’ll plan on yogurt and fruit for a mid-morning snack during his first break, but he’ll find himself at the bagel case. He’ll plan on tuna with crackers, fruit, and soup, but come lunchtime, he’s at the hot food bar gettingย nothing remotely healthy.

It’s not like I’m never allowing myself these foods, but I am bothered by how I can go from practically salivating over a healthy option to ordering the less healthy one that Iย never really wanted in the first place.

Why can’t I control myself?

“Perfection has a price
But I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win

Oh, control
It’s time, time to let you go

I’m letting go of the illusion
I’m letting go of the confusion
I can’t carry it another step
I close my eyes and take a breath
I’m letting go, letting go”

-JJ Heller