Do people consider you their “go-to” person when they need help? Do they know they can always count on you to be there..regardless of how short of notice they give you? How often do you say yes to helping people when you really don’t want to? How often do you drop what you are doing in order to help someone else when you are busy working on your own goals? How are your current actions teaching people how to treat you? Do you ever feel drained after helping certain people? What do you think that feeling is trying to tell you? Do you ever feel like you are super busy, but accomplishing nothing of value? How does that make you feel? Which activities are you participating in that could be causing those feelings? Is there any way you could eliminate at least some of those feelings? How? Do you think you could be using other people’s agendas to avoid working on a goal you want to accomplish but could possibly “fail” at? Do you ever feel like if you don’t do it, no one will? How true is it that if you don’t do it…no one will? Have you ever gotten REALLY clear on WHY you want to accomplish the goal you are focusing on? What would it look like if you did get clear?
To answer the first two questions: no and no.
Growing up, I didn’t exactly have a lot of friends. Each year in school, I had a new, small, circle of friends. For the most part, if I was friends with someone one year, we didn’t speak much the next.
So, I’ve never been the one that people go to for advice of any kind. Sure, there was the one incident back during my freshman year where one of my middle school classmates, Allie, (I’m not sure how to describe our relationship), sent me a message about another classmate, Kate, being pregnant (she was, maybe, 15 at the time- I’m pretty sure she was older than me). Allie said that, initially, Kate was keeping the baby, but later on, Allie sent me another message saying that Kate had an abortion.
Since I was never one to be in a position of giving advice- especially in regards to relationships- I was at a complete loss for words. Needless to say, Allie was not happy with me in the moment.
It’s not that I didn’t have an opinion. Sure, even at 14, I was not interested in boys or dating, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have strong opinions. Personally, my opinion on sex is that it should be off limits until you are married and able to deal with the consequences of it- physical, mental, emotional, and financial.
But this isn’t about sex or abortions.
I only have one really good friend now (and, at times, I wonder if I just have one friend- period). There are times when he comes to me with his problems, and there are times I go to him with mine, but our relationship is the clear exception to my overall history of friendships.
I don’t give advice. I am fine with giving advice on message boards, but that’s the extent of it. I don’t have anybody else’s agenda to put above my own.